Jonny tries to take a professional, objective look at the controversial romp-'em-up Singles: Flirt Up Your Life.
Isn't it weird? I can choose from hundreds of games where I can blow people's heads off with shotguns, smash people in the face with baseball bats and steal any car that I fancy. But all of a sudden, someone brings out a game where people can have, you know, [lowers voice to whisper], "the s-e-x", and all of a sudden the colour is draining from the faces of decent people everywhere. Won't somebody please think of the children?
You're correct in assuming that Singles is definitely not a game children should be playing. It's ostensibly a Sims-style person simulator, in that you get to control the minutiae of the lives of little computer people (going to work, washing, cooking, cleaning, buying new luxuries for your flat). You control two characters, who over time can develop a strong friendship or hatred, true love, or a purely sexual relationship.
Even more contentious for some will be the fact that the game allows for homosexual relationships to develop, with either gender.
So this is the hook for Singles - but is it a brave step forward, a case of games getting more serious in their reflections of life, or is it merely a cheapshot marketing tactic designed to sell games? I guess the answer to that question is down to how good a game it actually is and what level of maturity is displayed in dealing with the sexual aspects of the game.
I'm going to get tired of saying this but for an idea of how it plays, you really need to start with The Sims. You start by choosing two people , who move into a spacious apartment together in an unspecified European town. Although they'll do a half-decent job of looking after themselves most of the time, it's up to you to improve the quality of their lives. You can develop their careers (bringing in more money for doing up the flat) and other skills, move furniture around to improve the feng shui and make sure they clean up after themselves.
There are a series of slider bars representing their needs, which you need to meet as affectively as possible if you want them to be happy, relaxed and secure enough to start eyeing each other up. So you need to make sure they're having fun (watching movies, calling their friends) and that they like their surroundings.
You can improve the sensuality and romance bars by getting them to flirt, compliment and chat with each other - and as these improve more options are opened to you - such as "kissing with tongues" or "snog on the sofa".
You can't just make them do what you want - the conditions have to be right and it's not easy! It has to be said that when you do eventually get things moving it's a very fulfilling feeling, or it was for me at least, as I started screaming for my flatmate to come and have a look - "Quick!!! They're finally kissing! Come and see!!" and this feeling of achievement only improves as you get to each successive (as the Americans might say) "base". On the other hand, it can be rather upsetting when they have a falling out, as my couple did over the state of the toilet (which hadn't been cleaned in a bit).
In terms of the actual sex, it's actually handled quite tastefully and sensitively. The game doesn't set out to deliver cheap pornographic thrills - it's no more graphic than what you might see on Channel 5 late at night, and most of it is left to your imagination - you've probably got a good idea what that hand movement under the covers means, and you don't need to be shown.
There's lots about Singles which struck me as quite odd. For one thing, what's with the running? Order one of your Singles to move somewhere within the flat, and they leg it full pelt. Legging it to the shower. Legging it for a quick nap on the sofa. It's dumb, especially when you've got a classy model bombing it round the flat all day in a slinky red dress. Also, they speak in a kind of nonsense language (just like in The Si- actually no I think you get the point) but it doesn't sound odd enough - it just sounds like a European language (which will no doubt have confused buyers around the country returning the game believing they've been sold the wrong version!).
There's also a selection of weird graphical phenomena - how exactly do full-body shadows get cast on the floor by someone who's asleep in bed?
The AI does some bizarre things sometimes too, like when your singles go to bed - but go to completely the wrong bed. Not for hanky-panky you understand, they just go to sleep leaving the rightful bed-owner standing around looking very confused.
Whether you'll enjoy Singles really depends on whether you'll enjoy the other gameplay elements that go on between the bouts of carnal fun. Ultimately, if you're a fan of this type of game in general, then you'll like it - it offers most of what The Sims does but with added nudgenudgewinkwinkery. If on the other hand you're playing it with the sole intention of getting some undercover action going on as soon as possible you're likely to be disappointed - it only makes up a small part of the game and it can take quite a while before it happens at all.
I can certainly see the potential in the brand - it's beautifully presented, has its own catchy theme-tune and is lots of fun. While not a great game of our times it's certainly unique and will no doubt provide weeks of entertainment for open-minded gamers everywhere.
Jonny Austin
+ It's certainly unique!
+ Handles sex with more sensitivity than you might expect.
+ Beautifully presented.
- Some really odd bugs / glitches.
- If you're only in it for the sex you're best off looking elsewhere.
- Stop running!